Wisdom for relationships

Understanding a good relationship requires that one or both parties share a similar goal. The primary goal should likely be to reduce tension and stress, and to eliminate strong disagreements.

With the goal of being civil in mind, navigating disagreement is neither simple nor easy. However, the following tips can be helpful in many areas of life.

Whether you’re in a new relationship or have been married for many years, good advice can be forgotten. Healthy reminders can help make us all better.

If you have any advice to share, please comment—it would be greatly appreciated. Sometimes you don’t realize that you’re helping someone, and you may never know whether or not your words will make a difference. But it seems worthwhile to at least try.

1. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

• Don’t interrupt. Let the other person finish their point before jumping in.

• Try to really hear what they’re saying, not just plan your rebuttal.

2. Stay Calm

• Lower your voice, even if theirs rises.

• Take a breath before responding. Emotional regulation keeps things from spiraling.

3. Don’t Take the Bait

• If someone is trying to provoke you, refuse to engage in the drama.

• Respond with, “I’m not going to argue,” or “Let’s talk about this when we’re both calm.”

4. Ask Questions Instead of Making Accusations

• Use curiosity instead of criticism.

Instead of: “Why would you do that?!”

Try: “Help me understand why you felt that was the right choice?”

5. Avoid Absolutes Like “Always” and “Never”

• These escalate tension and make people defensive. Stick to specifics.

6. Take Responsibility for Your Part

• Even if you’re only 5% at fault, owning your piece defuses tension and often invites the same in return.

7. Focus on Solutions, Not Winning

• Ask, “What can we do about this?” instead of trying to prove you’re right.

8. Know When to Walk Away

• If it’s getting heated, suggest taking a break and revisiting the topic later.